How to Pray for Forgiveness

Jeremy Duncan

Mar 30

Written By Kevin Borst

Sunday, March 30, 2025

Scriptures: Matthew 6:12-14

Summary: In the fourth sermon of our series, How to Pray, Jeremy looks at the line in The Lord’s Prayer, “And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” By focussing on Jesus’ prayer and the teaching that immediately follows, Jeremy explores the topics of forgiveness and being forgiven and how that might affect our interpersonal relationships.
Debts or Trespasses: Jeremy addresses the difference between the two metaphors used in The Lord’s Prayer, “debt,” and “trespass,” and in Jesus’ teaching following the prayer. Jeremy brings up questions around reciprocity and fairness and points out that Jesus gets specific and relational with these two words, encouraging us to examine our relationships more closely. Jeremy shares that the use of “trespass,” rather than “debt,” is preferred in liturgical prayer settings because those are instances when we tend to be addressing the divine, with whom we don’t owe money.
All our obligations: The first metaphor Jesus uses, “debt,” encompasses more than just our financial obligations to others, but also our relational responsibilities too. This metaphor invites us to think about the ways we fail each other unintentionally, and how forgiveness can help restore what’s been overlooked, rather than merely addressing what's been deliberately done wrong. The grace of Jesus’ prayer is that it allows us to acknowledge and ask for forgiveness for the little things we’ve lost sight of in our relationships.
Broken boundaries: Jeremy looks at the other metaphor used by Jesus, “trespass.” Here, Jesus’ doesn't ignore the need for boundaries or consequences but helps us see that forgiveness is essential for our own wholeness. When someone intentionally hurts you, Jesus models a forgiveness that refuses someone else’s mistakes to have the power to determine what could continue to happen between yourself and them. Jeremy shares how forgiveness is just as important for our wellbeing as being forgiven.
What is possible: Jeremy shares an invitation into a world not yet fully realized. One where forgiveness is not a transaction to earn God's favour but a way of embodying a future that is shaped by Jesus’ forgiveness. Jeremy reminds us that letting go is not about excusing harm, but refusing to be defined by it. And how we join in God's redemptive work is by choosing to live now with the mindset that the world of grace and reconciliation that Jesus promised is already here.
Community is shaped by the conversations we share. These questions and reflections are a tool to help you meaningfully engage with the themes of this week's teaching.
Connect: Jeremy began by bringing up the topic of fairness. Feel free to open by sharing a phrase or a saying about fairness in life that has stuck with you (for better or worse). If you can remember one, maybe there’s a phrase that your parents, an aunt or uncle, a friend, or a mentor used to repeat to you about fairness that you still think about.
Share: your thoughts about “relational debt,” and the things you don’t often ask forgiveness for. Jeremy pointed to Jesus’ specific language of “relational debt” or unmet responsibilities and how people are let down in little ways.
Can you think of a time when you needed to forgive (or be forgiven for) something that wasn’t technically “wrong,” but still left a mark on the relationship?
Reflect: on the idea of boundaries and forgiveness. When someone crosses a personal boundary, forgiveness can become particularly difficult.
Consider Jeremy’s words,
“If someone doesn't like you,
You can try to show them who you really are, do good for them.
Change their perception through kindness.
If they take things farther and they begin to curse you, say bad things about you, malign your reputation.
You can take a step back, but don't fall into that trap of becoming the worst of what's been done to you.
Don’t return hate with hate.
Bless them; speak well of them as best you can honestly.
But maybe don’t put yourself in their space.
Now if they go even farther, if they mistreat you,
If they hurt you, if they actively go out of their way to injure you.
Well now it’s time to step back again.
Maybe you need more robust boundaries in your life.
Maybe you need cut off their access you.
Maybe you stop speaking to them altogether.
But, you don't become them.
Don't allow them to force you to become a person you don't recognize anymore.”
What does it look like to forgive others while also acknowledging real harm?
In other words, how might you hold people who hurt you accountable while avoiding slipping into a similar type of trespass yourself?
Engage: with the idea that forgiveness is less about fairness and more about participation in a coming kingdom.
How does forgiveness play a role in shaping a different future—one where healing and grace take precedence over hurt and retribution, rather than reacting to the past?
How can you begin to live into that reality now?
Take away: What is your takeaway from the message or today’s conversation?
Benediction based on the sermon
As we pray for forgiveness,
we hope to know ourselves as well and truly embraced, loved, and forgiven.
To embrace the futility of holding onto our hurt any longer than we need.
And to see that the way of Jesus doesn’t pass hurt on to anyone else.
That we can’t make them hurt the way that we do.
And that we might, when we’re ready, let it go.
May we know that God is not ever holding anything back from us,
but that until we embrace the futility of unforgiveness,
we will struggle to know ourselves as perfectly forgiven.
Our God is not interested in passing hurt around,
or carrying it forward.
Might we see our God on the cross absorbing all the violence of the world,
and inviting us into the world that follows.
May we see ourselves as forgiven,
and begin to slowly, and awkwardly, walk in that light.
Amen.
CALL TO WORSHIP Psalm 80
MUSIC Curated by Kevin Borst
John Mark McMillian - Ancient Love
City Alight - Yet Not I But Through Christ In Me
Brooke Ligertwood - A Thousand Hallelujahs
Hope Darst - Peace Be Still
LENT ANCIENT PRAYER
Written by Bobbi Salkeld
In the 12th century, a German mystic named Hildegard of Bingen packed so much into a lifetime, you’d think she lived three of them.
She founded and expanded monasteries, studied human anatomy, and composed music you can still listen to on Spotify. She challenged corrupt church leaders, wrote mind-bending texts, and believed that the world was sacred and interconnected.
We’re going to use a letter she wrote to a fellow visionary as our Lent prayer today.
Please join me as we pray.
A human being is a vessel,
God has built and filled with inspiration.
Yet we know how likely it is that we forget God’s inspiration and ignore divine nearness.
We know our propensity to elevate ourselves and to turn away from God.
We have fallen for the crime of disobedience, and we have sought after more than we should have.
Why? Why do we do this?
When God’s activity of bringing all things to perfection can be seen
In the grasses, woods, and trees as they appear.
The sun as it shines forth,
The moon and the stars in their function,
The waters that fill with fish and the birds that fly above,
The herds and animals as they rise up.
May the work of God be perfected in our human experience too.
The world is changing.
And as the sun of justice shines on us all in both faith and action
May God make us a mirror to life
As we follow the way of Jesus.
May God help us as we remain in God’s service.
Amen.
SERIES BUMPER
How To Pray Series