Rethinking Sexual Ethics Through Wisdom

More Than Just a List of Rules

While I don't think Paul could have anticipated us constructing a completely different sexual ethic than his, I do believe he was smart enough—perhaps even inspired enough—to invite us to approach this moment through the lens of wisdom.

Because instead of relying on a static list of cultural do's and don'ts locked in a particular time, what if we allowed ourselves the grace to develop a sexual ethic that actually helps us make good choices today?

We Don’t Follow Paul’s Sexual Ethic

The truth is, you and I don’t really subscribe to the specifics of Paul's sexual ethic. Not entirely, anyway.

Sure, there are good insights there. Paul says some beautiful things about mutuality in marriage—especially in 1 Corinthians 7. Radical ideas for his time. But let's not forget: he also thought marriage was, at best, a concession. If you could avoid it altogether and be celibate like him, that was preferable (1 Corinthians 7:7).

Even in marriage, Paul imagined sex as something passionless, best stripped of any lust or longing. Go ahead and do it if you must, he seemed to say, but please don’t enjoy it (1 Thessalonians 4:5).

A Complicated Relationship With Scripture

Paul was not unaware of the complexity of sexuality. He reinterpreted texts like Leviticus to address new abusive scenarios, like those in Corinth, even when he knew that wasn't the original context. He even confessed the challenge he faced in navigating this space.

In 1 Corinthians 7:12, he offers advice with a caveat: “This is just me talking, not God.” Yes, that’s in your Bible. An apostle admitting he’s offering his opinion, not divine command.

Wisdom, Not Rules

First Corinthians is a letter. It isn’t a rulebook. It's not about rigid adherence to a sexual code.

It’s about cultivating wisdom. Wisdom to make good choices. Wisdom to protect those we love. Wisdom to live well in this moment.

Wisdom helps us reject practices that harm—no matter how common they might be. It also teaches us to celebrate love that uplifts and heals—even if it's unfamiliar to us.

The Narrow Way of Love

The God we follow shows up in our daily decisions. In the way we choose to live with and for each other. In how we model our lives after Jesus.

And that has always been the far more narrow way.

Because we’ve been taught, sometimes explicitly, that if we check the right boxes, we can be as selfish as we want with our sexuality.

But that’s not the way of Jesus.

That’s not the wisdom of the scriptures.

That’s the wide road our culture has discipled us in.

Called to Give Ourselves Away

Jesus calls us to give ourselves away—again and again, consistently and clearly—even in our sexuality.

And that is the wisdom we’re learning to live out together.