Tell Me More: The Gift of Attention

Why Attention Matters

Heuristics are incredibly useful. They're the mental shortcuts that help us navigate a complex world. But here's the thing: what we choose to pay attention to might be the most important decision we make in any given moment.

In a world saturated with noise, attention is one of our most precious commodities. We simply can’t focus on everything—so we rely on heuristics, approximations of the world, to decide where to direct our gaze, our thoughts, our care. Stereotypes, rules of thumb, gut feelings—these are all heuristics. They're the brain's way of simplifying a chaotic reality.

The Limits of Mental Shortcuts

But sometimes those shortcuts cut off more than they should. They make us miss the person right in front of us. They convince us we already understand a story we haven’t heard. And that, I think, is a problem worth paying attention to.

Because what if our relationships could be deeper? What if intimacy isn't only about time or history, but about the choice to stay curious?

Practicing Presence

One small commitment I’ve made to myself: when my kids are interested, I want to try to be interested too. That kind of attention doesn’t always come naturally. It has to be cultivated.

A few years ago, we did a series called Tell Me More. The whole idea was to become more curious. The phrase "tell me more" actually came from a friend of mine who says it to me all the time. Anytime I bring up something with some emotion behind it, he gently leans in with those words: tell me more about that.

I started saying it too. Not to pry, not to drag things out of people. But to step beyond the boundaries of my own heuristic models. To resist the instinct to summarize someone else too quickly. Because there's always more.

Attention as Intention

Every conversation is a flood of signals. Words, yes, but also tone, posture, silence. Are you leaning in? Crossing your arms? Checking your phone? Locked in with me?

Our brains take in so much more than we're consciously aware of. They make snap decisions about what matters, what to discard, how to react—often before we even notice. This isn't a glitch; it's a feature. It's how we survive.

But some