The Courage to Ask: "What If I’m in the Wrong?

One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is this: "Am I the bad guy here?" It's a question that shows up in the scriptures, particularly in the story of David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel. But more than that, it's a question that deserves a regular place in our own spiritual lives.

Too often, we ask this rhetorically, hoping for reassurance: "Of course you're not the bad guy!" But when we find the right people—the Jonathans in our lives—we can ask it honestly, even vulnerably. And sometimes, the most loving thing those people can do is tell us what we don't want to hear.

When David asks Jonathan, "What have I done? What's my crime? How have I wronged your father that he is trying to kill me?" it may sound like a cry of frustration. But it also holds the seed of deep self-awareness. David isn't just venting; he's inviting clarity. He's asking for the truth, even if it hurts.

This posture stands in stark contrast to what we saw earlier, when both David and Saul heard only what they wanted to hear. Now David chooses to ask, to listen, to seek truth from someone he trusts. And that's the key.

For those of us in positions of influence, leadership, or simply responsibility, it becomes increasingly easy to surround ourselves with people who affirm us. But affirmation without honesty is just a mirage. We need friends who won't just nod along but who will say, "Maybe you're not seeing yourself clearly right now."

As a pastor, I've experienced both the high praise and the harsh criticism that come with public work. But over time, I've learned to cherish the honest friends who can tell me when I need to slow down, when I need to listen more, when I've spoken too harshly, even when I didn't mean to.

Those are the voices that keep us grounded.

And they are vital.

Because later in David's life, when he becomes king, when power isolates him and yes-men surround him, he loses something. He loses that grounding. He stops asking, "Am I the bad guy here?" Or maybe he just stops listening when people try to answer.

So the challenge for us is simple but significant: Cultivate friendships that help you see yourself clearly. Invite truth, even when it's uncomfortable. Ask the question—"Am I the bad guy here?" —and be open to the answer.

Because learning from the best parts of David's story might help us avoid the worst parts entirely.