What Do We Owe Each Other? Rethinking Forgiveness in the Lord’s Prayer
In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches us to ask:
“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
At first glance, it sounds like a straightforward financial metaphor—money owed and then canceled. But as with much of Jesus’ teaching, there’s a deeper, richer meaning here, one rooted in ancient language, culture, and our lived experience of being human together.
More Than Money: The Language of Debt
In Greek, the word for debt (ὀφειλήματα, opheilēmata) primarily referred to financial obligations. But even within that context, the word evolved to carry a broader meaning. It came to signify not only what you owed someone in dollars and cents, but what you owed them in duty, respect, or love.
Even more revealing is how this Greek word was used to translate the Aramaic term ḥôbâ—a word Jesus likely used in his everyday speech. ḥôbâ could certainly refer to money owed, but it was also used to describe relational and social responsibilities: the care we owe our neighbors, the support we owe our families, the presence we owe each other as fellow humans.
So when Jesus teaches us to pray about debts, he’s not just talking about unpaid bills. He’s talking about the spiritual, emotional, and relational obligations we carry—both those we’ve failed to meet and those others have failed to meet for us.
Forgiveness as Letting Go of Expectations
To pray “forgive us our debts” is to ask God to release us from all the ways we’ve fallen short—not just the obvious moral failings, but the subtle ones too:
The forgotten gesture
The unreturned call
The spring break your child didn’t get that you didn’t notice until bedtime
These moments may feel small to us, but they can leave lasting impressions. And just as we need grace for our own forgetfulness and fatigue, we’re also called to extend grace when others let us down.
Forgiveness, then, isn’t always about dramatic betrayals. Sometimes it’s about the quiet disappointments. The expectations unmet. The ways people have failed to live up to the image we created for them.
The Grace of Mutual Forgiveness
This is why Jesus links our forgiveness with the forgiveness we extend to others.
Because forgiveness is not just about fairness—it’s about freedom.
It’s not just about settling the score—it’s about setting ourselves free from the burden of resentment.
And it lives, not in the rigid black-and-white of “right” and “wrong,” but in the fuzzy in-between space where real relationships happen.
Sometimes, as I’ve learned in over two decades of marriage, the person I need to forgive hasn’t actually done anything wrong. They’ve simply failed to meet an expectation I never clearly communicated. Or one I’ve held onto too tightly.
If I keep clinging to that unmet expectation, I’m the one who suffers. I stay stuck. I stay frustrated. I stay hurt—even if no one intended to hurt me.
Forgiveness becomes the way forward—not because they’ve sinned, but because I need to release the weight I’m carrying.
When Forgiveness Is About Your Healing
Let me give you a simple (and slightly funny) example.
Years ago, I was in a coffee shop feeding my infant son a bottle of formula. A stranger came over and told me, “Formula’s not the best. Maybe your wife could pump before you leave the house next time.”
Now, I could’ve explained that my kids were adopted and formula was always going to be part of the equation. But I just nodded politely.
Did that person sin against me? No, of course not. Maybe they were aggressively helpful, but their intention wasn’t malicious.
And yet—I still remember that interaction. I still feel a bit of a sting when I think about it. And if they were someone in my life regularly, I’d probably need to forgive them—not because they did something wrong, but because it’s not healthy for me to carry that around forever.
What We Owe Each Other
The Lord’s Prayer, at its core, invites us to consider:
What do I owe others in love, compassion, and presence?
Where have I fallen short of those responsibilities?
Where have others failed me?
And how do I let go so that we can all keep moving toward wholeness?
“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” is not just a legal or moral transaction. It’s a relational invitation to release and be released, to love and be loved, to walk with grace and humility as we stumble our way toward God’s shalom.
And maybe, just maybe, to live a little freer because of it.
Reflection Questions:
Are there expectations you’re holding that may need to be released?
Is there a moment or relationship where you’re ready to offer forgiveness—not because it was deserved, but because you need the freedom?
Let grace do its work—on both sides of the equation.
