What Do You Really Want?

I wonder—have you ever paused to ask yourself that question? What do you really want?

Often, the story we hear in Christian circles is that we’re supposed to deny our desires. That somehow, what we want is inherently bad and needs to be stuffed down or ignored. But what if the real issue isn’t desire itself, but our unwillingness to interrogate it?

What if we’re chasing things that aren’t good for us, not because we’re broken or bad, but because we haven’t looked closely enough to understand what’s underneath those wants? Because sometimes, when we dig deep, we find that our misguided pursuits are actually rooted in something good—something that’s just been bent a little out of shape.

A Slight Shift Can Change Everything

The truth is, even a small course correction—a couple of degrees—can lead us somewhere very different over time. That’s the wisdom in the way of Jesus. It’s not about suppressing desire; it’s about examining it with care and curiosity. It’s about asking what you really want from life and whether what you’re chasing is truly good for you.

In the first half of Colossians 3, Paul presents a couple lists. Some things to lean into and others to avoid. But given that he has already told us in the previous chapter that rules aren’t enough to change us (see Col 2:21-23) it seems that there is a deeper question here. He’s asking us to examine what we want.

Are your desires leading you to more goodness? More peace? More flourishing—for you and for those around you? If the answer is yes, then lean in. Pour more of yourself into those things. But if not? It’s time to recalibrate.

You Get to Choose

This is where Paul’s pastoral heart comes through. He’s not wagging a finger, scolding anyone into compliance. He’s reminding us that we get to decide where we point our lives. And a big part of that is learning to ask: Is what I want good? Is it good for me? Good for my neighbor? Good for the world?

If the answer is no, then the invitation isn’t shame. It’s simply to learn to want differently.

Yes, You Can Learn to Want Differently

Maybe you’re thinking, "But I can’t change what I want. The heart wants what it wants." That’s a line from Emily Dickinson, by the way—not Selena Gomez. But here’s the thing: saying we can’t change our desires often means we haven’t taken the time to really interrogate them.

Take money. Maybe what we really want is security. Or pornography—could it be that what we long for is intimacy? We chase celebrity, but maybe what we need is to be known, or better said, to have real friendships.

When we slow down and look beneath the surface, we may find that our true desires are not what we initially thought. And if we’re brave enough to shift those desires, even slightly, we might end up wanting something entirely different for our lives.

What We Really Want Is Shalom

Ultimately, Paul reminds us that what we really want—what we were made for—is peace. Shalom. Not just the absence of conflict, but wholeness. An integrated life where everything holds together with meaning and grace. A thread that weaves through every part of who we are.

And that thread? It often runs counter to the surface desires that distract us. Paul’s not offering a new list of rules to live by. He’s inviting us into an honest evaluation of our desires, rooted in everything we believe about the cosmos, about God, and about ourselves.

So, what do you really want?